Depression

A few thoughts on depression.

Depression.  It's the black dog by your side, the constant cloud blocking out the sun, the terrible emotional quicksand that buries you.  I've struggled with depression on and off since my early teens. I am not depressed at the moment. Here are some things I would like to say about it.

Being pissed off is not depression. Being upset in reaction to something sad is not depression.
You have to learn to distinguish normal negative moods from the deeper, more sinister depths of depression. If you have a bad week, the sort of week where the baby woke up four times in the night, your favourite shoes started leaking and you had an argument with the postman, then it's quite okay to be out of sorts and grumpy. If, on the other hand, the postman brought news of a job offer, the baby took her first steps and you got a fabulous pair of shoes on sale and all you can think is "meh," then it may be time to look closer at your state of mind. The point of this is not to say to people "you don't know what depression is, stop being a drama queen!" but because if you can recognise why your mood is temporarily bad, it saves the whole depressing "I'm depressed, and now I'm more depressed because I'm dealing with this shit again." Because sometimes you've had a bad week, and feel like shit and then it strikes you that the Big D has gripped you again, which only serves to drive you downwards. But if you can recognise a legitimate grumpy state of mind and separate that from the Big D, it may give you the energy to claw your way back out of it before you slide.

People who say to you "Why are you depressed? You have <insert positives here>, cheer up!"
This is so patronising and not helpful. Firstly it's not helpful because it implies that you're putting it on for the sympathy vote ("oh woe is me, my life is terrible!!!!") or because you're an ungrateful sod who can't see all the good things you have.  It's simply not true. Because any positive thing in your life will be flipped up and skewed through the filter depression gives you. You have great kids (I don't know how, I'm a shit mother), you have a good job (I hate my job, I'm crap at it), you have a nice home (I feel trapped here/ I don't deserve it/ I only rent, it's not mine). See? If a normal person won the lottery, smiles all round. If a depressed person won the lottery, they'd more likely think "oh god, now I have to deal with begging letters and publicity etc".
Secondly it's not helpful because it's saying the depressed person has chosen to be a miserable sod. Cheer up! Yes if only that was made possible by the mighty power of your magic words.

But, it is possible to come through it. And if, like me, you've been swamped in the Big D more than once, you come to realise that life does go on, all the shit passes and you find yourself living free again. It may take drugs, or counselling, or some sort of behaviour therapy, but you can beat it. And if you've beaten it once, you can beat it again. And again. Sometimes the only thing to cling onto is that thought, that it's not going to be like this forever. Even if it feels like it. And the depression filter will tell you that this time it is never going to end, this time it's going to be easier to give in.  That's not the truth. That's depression talking. Trust me on that.

And finally, one last thought. It is so very easy for someone with depression, or who is developing depression to cut themselves off.  So much easier to slump on the sofa rather than drag yourself out and socialise. It's not helpful. If you ask them what is wrong, they will say "Nothing,", "I'm fine," or "I'm just tired." What they mean is "I'm drowning." If you have depression, admit it. Tell your best friend, tell a sibling, your parents, your GP. Think of it as a war, you need your army. People who love you, who care for you, will fight this war with you. Maybe by prescribing meds, by being a friendly ear to cry into, maybe by dropping in and bring the social life to you. You may not appreciate this at the time, but they are on your side.

I was once described as an antisocial miserable bitch. Probably true at the time for anyone who didn't understand what state my head was in. That is not my real character. Quite the opposite. I have also been described as bubbly. It took me a long time to get from one to the other. But it was worth it.